- Jan 7, 2018 Start at the very beginning. Jan 7, 2018
- Oct 29, 2017 Battle All Day with Alala Oct 29, 2017
- Sep 20, 2017 Hey Guess What! Sep 20, 2017
- Jun 10, 2017 Under Construction Jun 10, 2017
- May 2017
- April 2017
- March 2017
- February 2017
- January 2017
- Dec 31, 2016 All Good Things Must Come To An End Dec 31, 2016
- Dec 25, 2016 Season's Greetings! Dec 25, 2016
- Dec 22, 2016 Gifts Galore Dec 22, 2016
- Dec 15, 2016 Live Long and Prosper Dec 15, 2016
- Dec 12, 2016 Ok. Ok. I can't lie. I actually kind of like it.* Dec 12, 2016
- Dec 12, 2016 Do I need to moisturize my head now? Dec 12, 2016
- Dec 10, 2016 Week 3: A Big Bump Dec 10, 2016
- Dec 6, 2016 Adventures in ER Land Dec 6, 2016
- Dec 3, 2016 More Dec 3, 2016
- Dec 1, 2016 Four things Dec 1, 2016
- Nov 29, 2016 A Late Post Nov 29, 2016
- Nov 25, 2016 Aftermath Nov 25, 2016
- Nov 23, 2016 Did you feel that? Nov 23, 2016
- Nov 23, 2016 Please Keep Your Seatbelts Fastened At All Times. Nov 23, 2016
- Nov 21, 2016 It's Rex Manning Day! Nov 21, 2016
- Nov 18, 2016 Testing 1...2...3 Nov 18, 2016
- Nov 17, 2016 Welcome to the New Age Nov 17, 2016
- Nov 15, 2016 Triple Positive Nov 15, 2016
- Nov 12, 2016 Uplifting Ladies Nov 12, 2016
- Nov 10, 2016 Getting Somewhere Nov 10, 2016
- Nov 7, 2016 No News Is Frustrating News. Nov 7, 2016
I STILL have my eyebrows and some eyelashes. I don't want to get my hopes up, but this is very promising.
Last week was a tough week. I mean the week of chemo always is but this one felt harder than usual. Tuesday was not so bad. The snowstorm hit much less harder than expected. Most people had already been told their offices were closed, though, so it was quiet on the work front. As I've said, the first 2-3 days out from chemo are really bad. I barely get out of bed, I have no appetite and pretty much constant nausea. This coupled with the overwhelming guilt I feel not being able to even be on work email most of the day, drives me insane. So knowing that no one was working Tuesday actually made it a little easier. And my mom was still here. Wednesday and Thursday were hard. BFBF (best friend boss friend) was trapped in Florida because they cancelled all flights. Work was rolling in, and unlike the last couple of times where I've been able to let the emails go, it was really hard for me to say "I can't" because I knew she wasn't there. I know she understands. I know she knows I'm sick but I, me, I can't help but feel responsible. So I struggled through it. It's hard to think things through. I used to be pretty smart and able to see projects from all angles, but chemo brain really is a thing. My head feels like it's filled with cotton balls and information doesn't stick. I can't remember things. Something that used to be the obvious next step doesn't occur to me, or it pops into my head 3 days later. It's incredibly frustrating. I'm reaching a point where I'm like, "Okay. I'm done with this now. Let's go back to normal," but the cumulative effects are getting worse, so my mashed potato brain is like, "Nope." Anyway, I don't think I did a great job, but at least no one was left hanging. It's disappointing that that much effort yields half the results. It's so hard for me not to work 110%. Wednesday and Thursday, answering emails and trying to get things done in between bouts of nausea, falling in and out of sleep, and with these constant headaches that seem to waiver back and forth from almost migraine to migraine, knowing full well I was only doing an "okay" job at it was torture. It really makes me feel useless. I'm good at my job. I swear!
Then I got some bad news Thursday night. I won't go into details because it's her life, not mine, but my grandmother was in a very bad car accident. Prayers and positive vibes would be appreciated. I've been asking God to divert any prayers coming my way to her instead. You think that works?
I'm waiting for my fingernails to get better. The chemo I'm on now is not supposed to affect them so they should be healing, but I guess I'm still slow to heal. But once they're better, I'm cashing in on my home manicure! (Thanks, MDS!) For now though, anything that requires a grip feels like murder. David has to open everything for me.
So that's all the bad news. The good news, aside from my eyebrows, is I have 1, One, ONE round of chemo left! AND my doctor said she'll have the port taken out early and give me my last 3 Herceptin infusions on a IV so I won't have to have the port in for the wedding. Yayayayayayay! My mom and I were so happy we both started crying. We were back in the waiting room and a woman (I'll call her Mary) who thought they were sad tears tried to comfort my mom. We explained to her the good news and said we knew it was small and silly but she said, "Any reason to celebrate is good!" Mary told us her port will be in until they find a cure. When she was 39, she broke her collar bone. They thought she had bone cancer, but it turns out her breast cancer had spread so far that it made its way into her bone and deteriorated it so much that it snapped. She was in Stage 4. They told her to prepare her daughter, who was 3 at the time, that mommy is sick and will be leaving. She refused to accept that and started searching for more opinions until she found the network I am at. They put her on a new chemo drug and since then every 3 weeks she's had some sort of infusion. Her hair is back and she's on maintenance now. The cancer isn't gone but she can live with it. It's been nine years. Her daughter is twelve and Mary is determined to see her turn 18. Talk about perspective. And yet, she was so happy to join in on our little celebration. She says she's nothing short of a miracle. I agree.
I haven't had much news on wedding planning because it came to a halt for a little bit. Our beautiful new wedding planner lost her father unexpectedly so we told her to take all the time she needs. She just reached out to us after about 4 weeks so we're slowly getting back into it.
Our officiants, Anne-Margaret and Anthony from The Giving Tree Yoga Studio, dropped some exciting news. They WILL be back in the area for the wedding in September, but on May 15th, they are leaving for a 30 city/30 week tour called "Raise the Vibration of America." Spending one week in each city/town, they will work with local communities, teaching workshops on how to heal inner and outer divisiveness. And they'll be documenting it with weekly episodes on their YouTube channel "Raise The Vibration!" They explain more of what they're doing on their GoFundMe page. I'm so proud to have amazing people like this in my life and even more excited that this is the type of energy they are bringing to our wedding. Is that self-centered? Maybe. But I'm happy they are following their hearts and I can't wait to follow along on their new adventure.
And the best news of all, it's Spring! We made it through winter. My friend, H, pointed out how my chemo coincided with winter and is ending at the same time. I hadn't thought about it but she's right. Even my hair fell out, like the leaves. And now winter is over and chemo is almost over and I'll start to get strong again. I bought a little stationary peddler to get my legs moving. The fatigue has gotten so bad, I need to rest after a couple of blocks of walking. I'm assuming once chemo ends that will go away, but in the meantime I can peddle at home and get some strength back, I hope. I miss walks in the park.
I meet with the surgeon on Thursday to go over options and to see what she recommends. I'm a little nervous but eager to move on to Phase II of Operation: Kill this Mofo 'til it's Dead!