Gifts Galore — Sober Cancer Bride

It was only a matter of time. Last night, David did the full razor shave on my head for me. The little teeny dark hairs from my buzzcut were starting to show up everywhere and my head was getting patchy. It looked like a 15-year-old boy's beard. I'm sure my dad was excited to answer my questions about how best to bic my head. Considering he's the father of 3 girls and grandfather to one little girl, I bet that's a topic he'd thought he'd never have to address with his children.

So now I'm smoooooooth. It feels super weird. Since it's all not totally out yet, there is like a 5 o'clock shadow or something going on, also patchy. I considered bleaching my head to even it out. Then I realized I was actually concerned about my bald head looking not bald enough and that maybe I have some vanity issues I need to put in check. Don't worry, Mom. I worked through it. I'm not bleaching my head.

Backtracking...I just noticed it's been a whole week since I last posted. My bad. I'm not gonna lie to you. Friday to Tuesday were kind of rough. I was extremely tired. Slept a whole lot. We had tickets to go see Louis C.K. at MSG on Friday, but I was too exhausted so we gave them to a friend. Saturday, I felt better but did a little too much. My ex dropped by to visit. <<pause>> That sounds weird calling him just an ex. We were together for almost 10 years, split amicably, and he's been on my "support team" since he found out. So just know when I say "my ex" I'm talking about a guy who is a friend; was a good partner although things did not work out between us, and has always been a good man. <<unpause>> He stopped by, gave me a meditation coloring book which is awesome, and a PEZ dispenser which is technically from our pet turtle, who he won custody of during the split. David came home while X was still over so we all sat in my living room and got caught up, which was pretty damn cool. I took a nap for a couple of hours after he left. Then, our friend H came over to visit. We made David watch Love Actually. He sat through it and only cracked about 7 jokes. I'm very proud of him.

It seems like everything I do requires a 1-3 hour nap after to make up for energy loss. Sunday we met with the amazing couple who will be officiating our wedding. They are the same people who own The Giving Tree, the very special yoga center in our community that I've mentioned before. We spent 2 hours with them going over ideas and things we want to include. They've done everything from the usual "Dearly beloved..." to a biker wedding that included a blood vow AND a reading from The Velveteen Rabbit. We won't be going that far, but it does mean we'll get to really personalize the ceremony to include both aspects of our respective religions. I grew up Catholic and David is Jewish. Neither of us is practicing but it's important for us to honor our ancestry and upbringings. Anne-Margaret and Anthony will help us do that while keeping it very much our own, and tailor made to fit us as a couple. We are really looking forward to this part of the planning.

I needed a 3 hour nap after all that excitement. The rest of Sunday was quiet. I stayed in bed for most of it. I had a moment of weakness and tried to eat some macaroni and cheese. That did not go over well. All parties involved (brain, esophagus, stomach, etc.) agreed that we would not do that again.

Monday, I worked from home. Slept a lot more. By Monday morning, it was pretty impossible to eat. It seems like there are going to be 3-4 days in every cycle that I just don't get much food in. I think I can handle that if I prepare and bulk up ahead of time. Saturday night I ate a good meal, and the next time I was able eat a real meal again was Wednesday morning. And by "meals" I mean a third of a sandwich and a few fries, and 1 banana, 1 pear & 16 cherries. Those are 2 "win" meals for me right there. I am currently down to the weight I was when I graduated high school 17 years ago. But now that I have an idea of the schedule, I can get ready ahead of time to try to curb some of the weight loss. Also, lots of people have have mentioned "magic mouthwash." I called Nurse Nicole today and she sent in a prescription to my pharmacy. It will be ready in a couple of hours, but it's not covered under insurance. $52 for mouthwash. (But I hear it's magic!) It's taken every ounce of love, patience, and tolerance in me to not wish hunger pangs alongside chemo mouth sores on the people who decide what's covered and what's not.

This next bit isn't even the insurance company's fault, but it's another example of the fun I've had dealing with them during all this. The hospital somehow coded my 2 day stay incorrectly so that the claim submitted said I was admitted for "unspecified acute sinusitis" (a head cold) instead of the "life threatening" Neutropenia that it was. Naturally, they're denying coverage. That took 3 days of several phones calls to several numbers and a whole lot of "Not me. Let me give you the number to..." Supposedly it's fixed now, but I'll have to call the insurance company one more time tomorrow to confirm they received the corrected claim. Fingers crossed!

Also this week, 6 of my coworkers stopped by to visit before heading out to the company holiday party. That was awesome. Don't tell my mom (Mom, blindfold.), but I let them all in without wearing masks. I did make them all Purell up when they walked in and no one was allowed to make out with me. (Mom, you can take off the blindfold.) They got me a beautiful triple orchid. We've named her Lenore. I will do my best to not kill her. And one of the girls brought me her 2000 piece puzzle to keep me occupied for daaaaaaaays. They stayed for about an hour and I cried a little when they left. I love them and really miss seeing their faces every day. Then, I Lysol wiped every touchable surface in my home.

Speaking of gifts, we've been getting some great stuff in the mail! David's Uncle and his wife M sent us a Vitamix as an engagement gift. That is just perfect, especially now because all I seem to be able to eat is smoothies or juices, and our little blender was getting quite a work out. The Vitamix is a beast! (Good news, guys! I'm not going to starve to death!) One of my amazing friendors who I've been working with for years (see what I did there? That's "friend" + "vendor") sent me a giant box of differently flavored popcorns from Harry&David. Another vendor who I could also call a friend sent me a pajamagram. It's a giant fleece onesie with a hood, a kangaroo pocket, thumb holes on the sleeves, and zip off footies. Yes. You heard me. Hoodie-footie pajamas with feet that zip off. David (patiently) had to use three different tactics to get me to NOT wear it outside to go to the bank.

I think that's pretty much my week. The food stuff was hard and I'm just so. darn. tired. I slept a lot. I didn't really want to do anything. Luckily most of the people I saw came to us. I left the house 5 times for a total of approximately 6 out of 168 hours in the week. I'm becoming quite the little hermit. :)